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636 definitions by Jake

 
50.
A pyramid scheme run by the US Government. They promised to take your money to invest it for you so you'd have enough money to retire on, but from the very beginning they've just paid the people who are over 65 with the money sent in by the workers under 65. For any other organization to do this would be illegal. They don't make any real investments at all. They only 'invest' in other government agencies, which means they'll end up being paid back with yet more tax money taken by force from hard working Americans.
Joe Average says "I wanted to invest my money in a private account that I could control in order to plan for my retirement, but after paying tax for Social Security I didn't have enough left over to do that. If Social Security is so great, why do they have to force you to pay for it under threat of prison? If it was really so great, wouldn't people participate voluntarily?"
von Jake 10. August 2004
 
51.
(proper noun) disparaging name you call someone obsessed with their shoes. Wife of Phillipine dictator living in disgusting opulence off the back of her people in a very poor region.
OK, 'Imelda Marcos', I don't think you need those $800 sandals when you're borrowing to pay your rent.
von Jake 26. März 2004
 
52.
a vegetable, one of several that make for an excellent "penis". Available in various lengths and circumferences. Some have enticing "bumpies" on them for extra stimulation. Best washed and dried before use (who knows where they've been !) Similar to zuchini, carrots, leeks.
When she has to come home alone on Saturday night, she cozies up to her vegetable bin and chooses her mate from among the cucumbers, zuchini, carrots and leeks.
von Jake 25. Februar 2004
 
53.
the everlasting sexual bases metaphor. The best way to remember them is the four "F"s: French, Feel, Finger, Fuck.

first: the first step in a sexual relationship kissing with an open mouth or using tongue (french kissing)

first and a half base: under the shirt, bra still on

second: one step up from first base, heavy petting and feeling up while making out,direct oral or manual stimulation of a partner's breast/nipple, up the shirt or shirtless for both partners.

shortstop: in baseball, the shortstop is the field position between second and third base. So, in fooling around, shortstop is being masturbated by or masturbating your partner, as that's between feeling up and oral sex.

third base: the last base before penetration sex, entailing contact with the main sexual regions, a handjob or a blowjob (fellatio) for guys and fingering or giving head (cunnilingus) to the girl

home base: reaching home base or fourth base is consumating the relationship by having vaginal sex, making love or fucking
NOTE:first or second base can be achieved concurrently with dry humping, considered third base when oral or manual stimulation occurs to genitals.

"Margo finally let her boyfriend get to shortstop, but she used way too much lotion and he came on her shirt."

"We finally reached home base last night! Thankfully he had a condom on him because we were so horny we couldn't wait any longer"
von Jake 5. März 2004
 
54.
polite medical term for the condition where you can't maintain an erection sufficient for penetration intercourse to orgasm
I explained that I had erectile dysfunction so she gave me the best blow-job I ever had.
von Jake 1. Februar 2004
 
55.
the condition where kidnapping victims sympathize with, grow attached to, identify with, or otherwise feel affection toward their abductor(s).
She didn't want to testify against the man that kidnapped her because she suffered from Stockholm syndrome.
von Jake 31. Dezember 2003
 
56.
Less offensive than shit, more offensive than poop.
(In front of parents) "I just stepped in dog crap!
von Jake 31. März 2005