Gun. You know
, barrel, trigger
, bullet, bang bang
you're dead. guns are the cat's best friend
Well known fact: guns don't kill people, flaming
shoulder pads kill people. Often times with guns. Unless the Gun misfires, killing the shooter
, in which case, yes, guns do kill people.
Well, the gun helps.
This fact was tested scientifically by the Royal Society
in 1701, and they discovered that in fact bullets kill people most of the time
, and guns kill people if you smack them upside the head with them.
Fuck, my head hurts. Just shoot me now.
There are some cases also, in which you may have a friend called Gun that does not like you very much. But that's part of life anyway... and Son of a Gun
isn't very nice at times either.
The gun consists of three principal components: the barrel, the projectile and the propellant. The propellant is a rapidly expanding substance which forces the bullet down the barrel and towards the intended target. The shooter
must be sure to never mess up (like firing the barrel by holding the propellant or by manually pushing the bullets through the barrel to push the propellant).
On leaving the barrel the bullet causes a supersonic shock wave to be emitted which propagates towards the victim, causing distraction. Often, guns are fitted with noise-enhancing devices to increase this effect.
The modern firearm is equipped with a spark chamber, designed to produce muzzle flash. This is to allow guns to be used as ad-hoc flashlights in darkened areas by repeated firing. The flash also acts to scare and unnerve the victim. In fact, in the early days of photography
before the invention of the flashbulb, photographs were illuminated by the discharge
of a large cannon. This made the photographer
amongst the deadliest of professions.
Post-modern weaponry, consists of phasors which emit a powerful beam which is enough to cut a loaf of bread into slices suitable for eating by dwarf-humans, Klingons and Bacterium alike. The beam is often colorful, to prevent boredom
in between in-ship battles, and to create some random distraction for the enemies to look at.
Guns in Entertainment
Guns are used in many TV shows and movies. They are often used out of context, such as being a soother for a baby, rather than a deadly weapon.
Guns are used in the TV show 24. This is a show about how Jack Bauer
runs around killing people with guns.
Ray guns are often used in the show Star Trek
, in which the main characters shoot the bad characters. It is widely disputed as to whether their ray guns are accurate portrayal of real ray guns. It should be noted that guns are known to fire metal bullets rather than lasers.
Why do people die from gun?
In Soviet Russia
, people kill GUNS!! ~ Charlton Heston, NRA spokesman
Often the shock of a bright flash, loud "bang" and sharp metal projectile travelling at upwards of 300 metres per second can Lead to Psychological effects such as Heart arrhythmia, fainting and Farting. The most common effect is Diarrhea
. This is why, in a firefight, the stronger will prevails - weaker shooters (typically terrorists or Imperial Storm-Troopers) will drop like flies from the stress of the experience and the weight of their full underwear
, whereas those of a heroic disposition (such as Americans and Jedi) will withstand the nerve-rattling experience and survive.
A commonly held Myth is that bullets penetrating the flesh will kill people. A simple back-of-envelope calculation reveals the flaw in this argument. By modelling bullets as point particles, and people as one-dimensional strings, one can see that the chance of a bullet hitting a person, even in a crowd of thousands, is infinitesimally small. The Truth
is that Death from guns is often due to the sheer surprise of being shot at.
That said, being hit by a bullet is a common experience for the clinically obese, and the resulting pain and injury can often result in substantial fecal weight loss.
A study conducted by the university
of Scmiillicettittisinndamorghning in wales shows that people who get shot generaly die of some form of leadpoisoning. This awkward
result has been classified by several gun toting rightwing trailertrash slobs as trival information, or so says the whitehouse "If them folks are dumb enough to stand infront a speedin bullet. Now ya hear".
Guns are brilliant
tools of illegal
death. Murder and Suicide
are the best examples. As one of the troops in an Al-Quaida training camp said shortly before shooting herself three times in the head with an AK47 from different
angles and then putting the weapons tidily back into the armoury (that part is actually true): "Don't leave me, i've had death threats," which is obvious code for "I am a zombie and will kill myself to please our lord Jesus christ
who died for all of our sins." Her Suicide
note which wasn't written in her handwriting, leads Scientists to believe
she used her zombie Psychic
powers to make someone else write it, who coincidentally didn't like her. This is likely inspired by the late JFK's suicide
, which involved stabbing himself three times in the back, pissing on his own dead body and throwing himself off a bridge. This is indeed an accomplishment in suicide
Guns don't kill people. People don't kill people. The bullets and/or the shock of the blast or the person bleeding is what kills them. The gun is blamed because it helps and the person is responsible because they were just around when the person died.
Other countries have varying laws for guns, gun crimes, and gun control
Guatemala: It is mandatory a gun is given to all babies of 5 months of age and up.
Canada: Canadians are too shy to operate guns. Canada has no gun-related deaths.
Launchers are constantly circulated througout this country
by the mafia. Dogs must be licensed to own a firearm.
: Guns are banned in Australia
, so the government
can feel safe that the population won't rise up against them. Knives are preferable.
The United States
: There are no guns in this country
. Most people will vomit at the sight of them.
: Many native species are threatened with extinction, including but not limited to; kiwi, tuatara, moa, proud-mullet-wearing bogans, hobbits and 'real' men. This is the result of Captain Cook introducing firearms to the native sheep in 1770, at the same time introducing women, rambo-style headbands, and a hearty cocktail called "the Wilde Captain" made from seawater, chocolate icecream, and methylated spirits and named after a certain British
author. Sheep, usually docile, innocent
, cuddly animals went abso-frikkin-lutely postal in a multi-cultural, genocidal, extravaganza, with much "Are you talkin' to me?" and "Do you feel lucky, punk?"ing (sic). Their lush white feathers were stained the blood of their foes for a millenia. All hail our glorious sheep overlords!
commit 97% of gun crimes. A Banana can be purchased at any Mom and Pop adult video store.
Zimbabwe: This highly industrialized nation has made the most advances in laser technology, and keeps guns closely guar