Opposite of Bucket List, which is the things you want to do before you die, a Fuckit List is a list of things you don't want to do and in fact, would rather die than do. The jobs are usually tedious, boring, redundant and pointless.
1. Clean the garage.
2. Clean the gutters.
3. Install new toilet.
4. Strip and wax basement floor.
5. Remove poison ivy from back wall of garage.
6. Scrub garbage can.
Wife: "Honey, did you remember to reseal the driveway?"
Husband, watching ball game on TV: "I'll get to it.."
Friend: "Is that on your 'Honey-Do List'?"
Husband: "No, it's on my Fuckit List...it ain't gettin' done in this lifetime!"
NAACP- Niggers Are Always Crying Prejudice
Jesse Jackson and the NAACP are the biggest racists.
A pomegranate. Lovely red leathery-skinned fruit, with little bitty corn-shaped berry type seeds inside. The seeds are the edible part.
Me: "Let's go to the store and get a Chinese apple to eat."
Friend: "Don't you mean a 'pomegranate'?"
Me: "Well, we called them Chinese apples when I was little."
Forget about it. It ain't gonna happen. I think not. No way, Jose. The answer is...no. Not likely.
"If he thinks I'm paying this bill when it was his fault the car died, he's got another thing coming. Fugheddaboudit!
A convenience store and/or gas station owned by anyone of Middle Eastern or Indian ethnicity.
I'll be right back, I've got to run down to the Haji Mart and get some chips and soda and fill up the car.
People you know from church, but are not really friends with outside of church. They notice you at Wal-Mart on Sunday afternoon after you skipped church that day and approach you to announce that they missed you in church, expecting either a doctor's note or an explanation as to where you were.
Wife: "Shoot! I ran into the Church Police while I was at Wal-Mart."
Husband: "Who was it?"
Wife: "Betty and George."
Husband: "Did they say anything?"
Wife: "Yeah. 'We missed you today at church.'"
Husband: "What'd you say?"
Wife: "One of the kids was sick."
A set of items which can be used in any fix-it applications. An Italian tool kit consists of a paint scraper, which can be used as an ice scraper, a chisel, a screw driver, a griddle cleaner, a BBQ scraper, a pry bar, a box cutter, a fly swatter. There is also a hammer which can be used like a hammer, but not usually. A hammer is used when a screwdriver is not handy or is too time-consuming. The claw end of the hammer can be used to open bottles. A wire coat hanger: This can be used to stir paint, open a locked car door, replace the car's radio antenna, clean a clogged drain, clean the vent on a clothes dryer. Electrical tape: much more precise than that old Redneck Duct tape, which BTW loses it's sticky. Electrical tape will be around for decades longer than duct tape.
"Yo, Benny! Go in the Italian tool kit and get the paint scraper, I need to open the window; I forgot my keys on the kitchen counter!