-Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
-Arch enemy of Jim Halpert
Dwight Schrute:"That's ridiculous,Of course it wasn't me
Jim:"Marijuana is a memory loss drug so maybe you just don't remember."
Dwight Schrute:"I would remember."
Jim:"well how could you if it just erased your memory?''
Dwight Schrute:"Thats not how it works"
Jim:"Now how do you know how it works?"
Dwight Schrute:"Knock it off, Im interviewing you"
JIm:"No, when i came in here you said i would be conducting this interview!!!! Now exactly how much pot did you smoke??"
Dwight: I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim’s life with a can of pepper spray I had velcrowed under my desk. People say, oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose.
Dwight: I would make sure that you were dead. I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips, so you could not be identified, and they would call me the Overkill Killer.
Michael: Okay, you are way creepier than an actual serial killer.
Dwight Schrute's silly antics crack me up everytime.
Dwight Schrute is fast. To give you a reference point, he is somewhere between a snake and a mongoose and a panther.
Dwight Schrute: Stupid. Identity theft happens all the time. I could become you (snaps fingers) like that. But no one can become me.
Jim: No one wants to be you, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Not true. And if they did, they couldn’t, because I’m password-protected.
Jim: What’s your password, “Frodo”?
Dwight Schrute: No. (Changes password.)
Jim: Did you just change it to “Gollum”?
Dwight Schrute: No. (Changes password again.)